Humiliation, embarrassment, shame. Without a biblical lens of confrontation, these feelings can invade our hearts when others address our shortcomings. Even the most loving people in our lives can cause us to shrink in our seats when we let the voices of shame, fear, and insecurity dictate the narrative.
The sting of confrontation can overwhelm our better judgment, leading us to double down on defensive maneuvers, bristle with outrage at the audacity of others, or spiral inwardly with thoughts of inadequacy and failure in everything we do.
In this way, we miss God’s heart.
Confrontation has a purpose for us and others. It is an opportunity to turn our listening ears in the direction of the Holy Spirit as He convicts and emboldens us in uncomfortable situations.
As the confronter, we must be led by a heart of love and wisdom—seeking God’s Word for direction and discerning what is truly sin versus what might merely be a personal annoyance. Confronting others biblically also requires us to invest in them by cultivating genuine relationships that show we care about their well-being, not just about addressing their sin. We must be brave, finding our security in our identity as children of God rather than in the approval of others. Finally, we must remain attentive to the Lord in the moment, allowing Him to guide our words as we humbly and gently point out where sin may be gaining a foothold in their life, with patience, kindness and, above all, love.
As the confronted, we are called to humbly listen and seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit as we discern what we’re being told. Is it rooted in Scripture? Does it reflect the heart of Jesus? If the answer is yes, we are to receive it with gratitude–recognizing it as care from the Lord and from those He has placed in our lives. We should remember that the purpose of the confrontation is not to stir up self-disgust or trigger our defenses, but to help us be transformed into the image of Christ. This is God’s way of shaping us, and it requires our reliance on Him and trust in His wisdom as the Master Potter.
None of this truly resonates until we understand that God’s discipline is not implying we are wayward, evil, or deserving of judgement. While those things may be true, we must understand that His discipline is first and foremost motivated by His love for us.
Because He loves us, He refuses to leave us to subpar living or harmful choices. Rather than viewing people as our critics we can view them as vehicles of mercy and grace in our lives. When we are rooted with confidence in the knowledge of God’s loving discipline, we can pause and speak this truth over ourselves before we spiral into shame or let embarrassment overwhelm us when we are confronted with our sins or shortcomings.
In His love, He disciplines us so that we might stop hurting ourselves and others, and instead, choose to embrace the path of Shalom—wholeness and peace with God.