By Diana Westfall, VP of Missionary Care
The Golden Rule – Matthew 7:12
The concept of the Golden Rule came up in one of our family devotions recently. Do to others as you would want done to you (Matthew 7:12). It’s so clearly wise that even those who don’t know Jesus often know and try to live by the phrase. But if we want to truly live it out, we have to spend time being honest with ourselves about our own experiences—the depth, the layers, and the impact they’ve had on us.
THE PROCESS
If I don’t take the time to reflect on the moments I’ve been hurt, especially the “minor ones”—like when someone ignored me while I was sharing something important—I risk dismissing those experiences. These moments may seem small, but repeated over time, they create deep, pervasive messages. If I minimize the impact of these painful moments on myself, then when someone else comes to me with sorrow or hurt, how will I respond? Likely, I’ll dismiss them too. I’ll label them as “too sensitive,” argue with them, or become defensive. That’s because I’ve made a habit of building up this wall of denial around my own experiences. Now, that wall of denial will reflexively extend to other people.
But when I take time to acknowledge my experiences honestly before God, I start to recognize the ways He has been teaching me to love others well. The Golden Rule is grounded in this process: first understanding my own story in truth, and then being empowered to recognize and respond to Kingdom opportunities in my relationships. Over time, I learn to discern the experiences of others, not just their circumstances, and relate to them with empathy. This awareness prompts me to act in love in the ways I now recognize. Walking out our faith in this way-–deep in relationship with our Teacher, in the quiet, unseen spaces—is a vital part of the calling we’ve received.
THE CLAPBACK
We may wonder if this process is worth the negative feelings or disruption it can bring to our relationships. But when we do this inner work—when we allow God to shape us through honest reflection—it always transforms us. It equips us to love others more fully. Very truly I tell you, the mundane exposes the most basic opportunities for our character development—into Christlikeness, into Love. Our Lord took the great opportunity to display His love on the cross, but He also never looks away from us, denies the truth, or minimizes the reach of sin’s death.
This inner work—choosing not to dismiss the “small” injuries but to face them honestly with God—is often hardest in the minor moments. We struggle to know how to feel deeply without taking offense, or how to discern what needs reconciliation and what can be overlooked while still allowing space to grieve. Genuinely, these are difficult skills to learn. The process is ripe with embarrassment and relational anxiety when we flesh it out. Surely it takes courage to let our hearts embrace sensitivity. It is a strength that comes through faith, trusting that God is present even in deeply painful moments.
Is this not perfectly exemplified though in the very character of Christ? And isn’t growing into the character of Christ the chief promise and aim of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us? If so, then this work is worth the discomfort. We can walk forward in faith on the path Christ has laid before us. He is there, feeling the depth of our hurt, ready to reveal Truth, root us in reality, and grow us in wisdom, compassion, and empathy.
THE HUMBLE FOUNDATION
Of course, there are times when my own perspective is simply wrong. Yet even then, the Lord is at work. Sometimes the pain comes from the collapse of a false reality I’ve built—a way of seeing the world that doesn’t align with His truth. What hurts in those moments is the death of something false I wanted to preserve or control. Even in this, God invites me toward a necessary death so that He can raise me into life and freedom.
We know there is a kind of death that only destroys, but there is also a death that leads to resurrection. God is faithful to meet us in those depths, to shine His light, and to bring us into life that is undoubtedly Life.
Many people walk through this world confused by their feelings, carrying shame for even having them. But if we’ve wrestled honestly with our own experiences, we can meet others with empathy instead of dismissal. We can offer words of wisdom that free them from the suffocating belief that something is “wrong” with them for feeling this way. We can truly forgive those who have wronged us, rather than minimizing our feelings of hurt and calling that forgiveness.
This is the beauty of the Golden Rule: God uses our own healing to help us love others with the character He has provided.
“Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.”
1 John 3:2 (CSB)
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